-- stiLL iN gRief --

Presence is important not only when acknowledged, it is the absence of recognition that makes it special..

[date created--09/24/03]

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"It won't make a difference if you'd go there. She won't even know you were there.."

Why is it important for some people to attend to someone only when their presence are noticed? It's like a condition that you'd only consider appearing if you are recognized. This kind of thought is disturbing. Something I won't ever comprehend. Don't they realize that just by being there is such a fulfillment? Nothing compares to the feeling of being with someone you value because you'll never know.. you'll never know if you'd ever get a chance to do it again.

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I wouldn't care if she doesn't hear me. I wouldn't care if she won't be able to see me, or if she won't even perceive me. I'd be there just to feel her heartbeat like when she was putting me to sleep. Just the warmth of her hand and the touch of her breath on my cheeks would've been enough because those used to comfort me. I'd be there just to be there for her, like the way she used to be here for me.

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But I was forbidden to go. I should have been persuasive for now I'm drowning in regrets. I can't still forgive myself for letting someone restrain me. I should have been there even just for the last time. And now I'm still in misery. Nine years, and I'm still grieving.

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I miss you badly.. Lola..

tHe kiSs tHat wAs..

have you ever had a kiss

that took you on a bliss

and left you with shaking knees

the one you'd not dare miss

..

..

so intense it made you drift

a fall you'd not care lift

and your lot that is to shift

seems to budge in a swift

lose a grip, never a bit

those lips they seem to fit

and with less than a heartbeat

your souls are apt to meet

*a bright star is nothing without anyone to adore it nor anybody to shine through*

[date created--05/17/03]

-- gender inequalities are the root cause of men and women's respect for each other --

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wit [part2]

Acquiring lots of information or ideas is one thing, acting it out is another.

I say "there's a gold in that box". How would you know there really is if you're eyes will not see it? You say you're beautiful but I wouldn't believe you because my eyes don't deceive me.(--,) How much we know about certain things or even all the things will never be enough if we lose one thing -- CONFIDENCE! Being knowledgeable at all means is good but sometimes acting it out is important.
How can you convince someone to believe you when you yourself don't look like you believe what you are saying? How will you be effective if no one could feel the consistency in you? And how will your ideas be known if you don't have the courage to voice it all out?Having confidence doesn't mean you have to boast about the brains you have. It doesn't imply that you have to take yourself higher than those behind you. It means that you should carry yourself with respect, certainty, and consistency.

wit [part1]

tO bE kNowLedgEable, yOu haVe tO aT Least acT aNd thiNk Like oNe..

*what might have been*

It is better to love and get hurt than save yourself from the hurt and never know what might have been...

So it's true. It really happens. One day you'll meet someone who'll mean a lot to you that you'd even want to share your life with that someone but on the next day, you'll just realize that things don't seem to coincide with how you want them to be. It is possible to have a life with your "one" but in doing so, major changes should take place. It will affect the life you have long planned even the life you are living, people you see everyday, and places you go. It will change your life completely but then, you'll be with your "one" for whenever - no one can tell. You could be happier than you are today. But how would you know if you're not gonna try?

Take the risk! That's what it is all about. You'll never know what will happen, not until you get there. But what if you're too afraid of changes? What if you're too coward to take risks? What if you don't want to pass through a wall that doesn't illuminate you of what is going on - on the other side? Then, you'll have to suffer with the endless thoughts of "WHAT IFS?". You will be forever regretful for not taking the risks, for being a coward. Part of you will be unhappy for not knowing what might have been.

me-vs-friendship-vs-me

How far will you go for FRIENDSHIP? BOUNDLESS? Think again.. Will they go that far for you?

"Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are". They say your personality reflects on the group of friends you have. But isn't it more appropriate to say that how you treat your friends, what you are when you're with them, and how you make them a part of your life more likely are the ways to show who you really are?

My friends belong to my list of priceless possessions. I hold them very close to my heart so that I could also feel whatever they are feeling. I grieve when they are hurt, and curse when they're furious. I laugh when they smile and fall in love when they're infatuated. I'll be the toughest during their most vulnerable times and be broad if they're going unconventional.

But what if the time comes when you realize that they could only offer you less of what you have for them? What if they are not that interested with how you feel? What if you just learned that they are not ready to comprehend with your inclinations? How far will you still go? How far will I still go? I say... I'd still push through my limit. I'd still go boundless. Regardless of how far they'd go for me. Because they're my friends... Because I am a friend.

It's okay to push through your limit. It's okay to go beyond boundaries. But what if it's changing your life in a way you can hardly notice? What if you're turning out to be a different person? What if your closeness to them slowly takes you away from something else or someone else important to you? Doing things for your friends really means a lot and it is something you should do to show their importance to you. But sometimes, we overly focus our attention to a group of people valuable to us and because of that, we sometimes forget to save something for ourselves.

What's bothering the most is that we unintentionally neglect other people who value us more, which could lead to a broken relationship.

Overdoing things is never appropriate however we view the situation. Weighing things is always necessary. It balances all the relationships we are in. But we should always keep in mind that our relationship with someone should never affect our relationship with the other.

saVe yOu

i have to leave..

coz your love is real,

and you never asked me to love you the same.

i have to leave..

coz you're devoting your time to me,

and i'm scared that i might take you for granted.

i have to leave..

coz you're giving your life to me,

and i don't know if i can share to you half of mine.

i have to leave..

coz you never aimed to hurt me,

and i fear that i might tear you apart.

i have to leave..

coz you let me live in your unselfish ways,

and there you are endlessly coping with my incomprehensible manners.

i have to leave..

and i'm leaving.. for this is my way..

to keep your heart from breaking..

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[date created--09/09/06]

--daRe tO caRe--

thank you for caring,

thank you for loving,

thank you for all the things we both are sharing..

you're so giving,

and forgiving,

you, in the world, are the most enduring..

in distress you bring,

moments uplifting,

how can i be at times neglecting?

now i'm thinking,

and somehow reflecting,

how can i keep your heart from breaking?

[date created--09/06/06]

reGret..Less..

"dO tHe thiNgs tHat yOu caN whiLe yOu aRe stiLL abLe.. beCausE whEn yOur faCe wRinkLed aNd yOur kneEs gRew wEak.. yOu wiLL fiNd yOurseLf veRy upsEt foR theRe wiLL bE Loss oF mOst oF yOur abiLitiEs.. aNd yOu wiLL haVe tO wiSh foR tHe sTrenGth tO cOme baCk.."

We all love being young. Those who passed half their lives always love reminscing their good old days. Those who are on their youth are trying to enjoy every minute of it. We all believe in the saying --"Live the day as if it is your last." We always strive to do all the things we want and aspire to do. But, are all the things we do necessary and will contribute to make us a better person? Are we doing those things to nurture or just for pleasure? It is true that we have to make our best out of anything but, in every little thing we do, we should always ask if we are doing things that is of essential to life? Are we not letting any opportunity slip our hands? Are we not neglecting important things that we should be doing? These are just some of the questions needed to be asked in our everday journey. Every single step we take mirrors every single decission we make. We are all liable not only with the things we did but as well as with the things we did not do. Time is of the essence and with the right thinking, we'd be able to do the things we need and with this, we will be able to avoid having regrets in the future for not doing the things we should and could have done.

uNseEn

you are trapped in a cage..

no one sees it.. not even you..

you don't know what it's made of..

you don't even know where it came from..

but you feel it.. it's all around you..

it is full of strength

that it forbids you to move freely..

it separates you from your wisdom

and it strangles your thoughts..

you are robbed

but you don't know what was taken..

you're in a place

but you don't know where you're heading..

you don't even know how you got there..

or who have brought you there..

you know you've been through a lot

but your memories are distorted..

it is seizing you little by little..

you can't stay but you can't go..

you are trapped but no one sees it..

NOT EVEN YOU..

[date created--07/17/05]